avoid using blameful language

When conflict arises, avoid using blameful language as that invites negativity into the situation

Pick your battles is often given as advice for avoiding unnecessary conflict, but if you apply this advice to serious issues, it can be detrimental to your relationship.

Pride, bias and defensive mechanisms prevent us from dealing with conflict in a healthy, productive manner. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are strategies you and your partner can use to effectively deal with conflict in your relationship.

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resist-the-urge-to-bring-up-past-experiences

Resist the urge to bring up past experiences that have already been resolved

While pride, bias, and defensiveness are mechanisms that prevent us from dealing with conflict in a healthy, productive manner, there are strategies you and your partner can use to effectively deal with conflict in your relationship.

Communicating assertively and taking responsibility for your own feelings and actions, and focusing solely on the issue at hand is key.

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Pride, bias and defence mechanisms

Pride, bias and defence mechanisms prevent us from dealing with conflict in a healthy, productive manner

Let’s be honest—you and your partner are going to have disagreements. Sometimes they’ll be small (What movie should we watch?), but sometimes they’ll be more serious (When are we going to have children?).

'Pick your battles' is often given as advice for avoiding unnecessary conflict, but if you apply this advice to serious issues, it can be detrimental to your relationship.

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considering each others needs

Healthy communication relies on both partners ability to be assertive and to listen actively considering each other’s needs

Communication is the foundation of your relationship; you and your partner rely on healthy communication skills to productively work through both celebrations and struggles in your relationship.

Healthy communication relies on both partners ability to be assertive and to listen actively. To recap, assertiveness is expressing your feelings and asking for what you want in the relationship, while active listening is listening attentively without interrupting and restating what was heard.

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Assertiveness and active listening are two skills that will help shape a positive environment for communication in your relationship

To recap, assertiveness is expressing your feelings and asking for what you want in the relationship, while active listening is listening attentively without interrupting and restating what was heard.

The process of active listening lets the speaker know if their message was accurately received. It’s imperative for the listener to acknowledge the content and the feelings of the speaker.

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Active listening is listening attentively without interrupting

Active listening is listening attentively without interrupting and restating what was heard

There are two skills that will help shape a positive environment for communication in your relationship: assertiveness and active listening.

The process of active listening lets the speaker know if their message was accurately received. It’s imperative for the listener to acknowledge the content and the feelings of the speaker. Acknowledge content AND the feelings of the speaker. The active listening process lets the sender know whether or not the message they sent was clearly understood by having the listener restate what they heard.

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Assertiveness is expressing your feelings and asking for what you want in the relationship

Assertiveness is expressing your feelings and asking for what you want in the relationship

There are two skills that will help shape a positive environment for communication in your relationship: assertiveness and active listening.

To be assertive, it’s important to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings by using “I” statements instead of starting with “you.” In making constructive requests, be positive and respectful in communication. Use polite phrases such as “please” and “thank you”. Try to avoid blame, criticism, and judgement. Instead, focus on the good!

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Couple Chatting in Kitchen

When you put effort towards something, it can be helpful to foresee outcomes

Accountability (or lack of it) can be the reason you reach (or fail to reach) a particular outcome. Write down a few outcomes and put them where you and your partner can see them. Maybe it’s a shared calendar or on a note taped to the bathroom mirror. Keeping these visual reminders present during the time you are working through the CoupleCheckup Discussion Guide will help remind you of the energy you are putting into your relationship.

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