Nine things successful couples do differently

Successful Couples

Communication is the answer to a successful marriage - but you already knew that! Whilst the absence of communication may be a leading cause of divorce, fulfilling your wedding vows is easier if your marriage is based on open communication. Learning to communicate well with your partner is not as easy as it sounds, but it can help resolve problems before they start to affect your marriage.

Heidi Halvorson’s book, 9 Things Successful People do Differently[1] provides a clear, practical guide for people to reach their goals and not surprisingly, successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do. Based on decades of research, it’s not about an inherited predisposition to certain talents or skills, it’s about being intentional about your relationship, communicating well and often.

Successful couples do the following things:

1. They are specific:
Successful couples set specific goals and take a long-term perspective. Their marriage involves two people who are both equal and can make suggestions. Click for More

2. They seize the moment to act on their goals:
Successful couples act on their plan and strive to meet their goals today. They do whatever it takes to make it happen – they act today. They keep their plan up-to-date and fresh, and assign specific time to review it. Click for More

3. They know exactly how far they have left to go:
Successful couples review their plan and have an honest and regular look at their progress. They understand that they may need to adjust their behaviour or strategy to ensure they reach their goals. Click for More

4. They are realistic optimists:
A huge issue for many is over-optimism. All the best motivational speakers and self improvement guru’s say that being optimistic is critical but they don’t tell you of the broken dreams and promises not met. Successful couples are optimistic but realistic. Click for More

5. They focus on getting better, rather than being good:
We are all capable of improvement and if we take this into our relationship, we can focus on getting better, rather than being good. Click for More

6. They have grit:
Grit is about not giving up in the face of difficulty... and marriage can be difficult at times. Successful couples know that when they have insufficient or no plan, they may question their ability and skill. Click for More

7. They build their willpower muscle:
Successful couples build their willpower muscle and tackle the hard stuff. They know marriage can be hard but when they are finding it a stretch, successful couples don’t give in or give up. Click for More

8. They do not tempt fate:
Most people are often overconfident in their ability to resist temptation. Successful couples know that reaching their goals is hard and they do not make it harder. Click for More

9. They focus on what they will do, not what they won’t do:
If they are trying to improve their focus, then they ensure they fill that space with things to do. Click for More

Successful couples reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do. Clearly, success means different things to different people but, if you can identify with some of these things and appreciate that they make a difference to your relationship – you are doing well. If you see that there is room for improvement, then re-read point 5 but understand that being intentional about your relationship, communicating well and often, requires effort. Identify the mistakes and use them to create positive change. Start from 1 and get started TODAY.

[1] Halvorson, H.G. (2011). 9 Things Successful People do Differently. Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business Review Press.

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