You wait for the bus. You wait for a package to be delivered. You wait for the toast to pop up. It makes sense to wait for some things, and in certain situations, waiting for the “right time” is important. But adopting this mindset across every aspect of your life can paralyze personal growth and prevent you from reaching and enjoying your full potential. If you want to make the most of your marriage, then stop waiting for these things: Read More
You know you love your spouse… but have you have ever found yourself wondering if you actually like them? Maybe it was just a fleeting thought, when they did that thing that annoys you again. Or maybe it lasted longer, during a rough patch in your marriage where you couldn’t seem to get in sync. Or perhaps you’re confused by the question: Isn’t loving and liking your spouse one and the same? Surprisingly, it’s not.
It might seem contradictory, but loving and liking someone are actually two different emotions. Think of love as a reflection of how you feel internally about someone, while liking them is more of an appreciation for who they are. Ideally, these two emotions are aligned. But marriage can be complicated, and sometimes they’re not. You might feel like you’re constantly critical, annoyed, or negative with each other, or even dislike spending time together – even though you know you love each other dearly. So what gives? Are there things you can do to get back to liking your spouse as much as you love them? Keep reading. Read More
We’ve all been there. You have fight with your spouse. Maybe the actual fight itself didn’t last longer than ten minutes, but the aftermath drags on for days. Days of cold interactions, stewing, and silence. How long can it go on? How long should it go on?
While a “cooling off” period after an argument can be necessary and helpful, letting disconnection linger on for days without working toward repair can be more damaging to your relationship than it’s worth. Do you feel like your fights last longer than they should? Let’s explore a few reasons why this might be true and how you can start to resolve things sooner. Read More
Whether you participate in “spring cleaning” or prefer a monthly or year-round approach, there’s something to be said for the satisfaction that comes with clearing away the dust and clutter that builds up over time. While it’s not the most romantic way to visualize it, marriage can have it’s own grimy corners that might benefit from regular cleaning and maintenance. Here are five ways to clean up your marriage this spring. Read More
Ahh, marriage. What a dream! You and your spouse both feel that your relationship is stronger than ever. Time to sit back, put your feet up, and coast, right? Well, not quite.
Don’t get us wrong. You deserve to relish and enjoy every bit of the joy a happy marriage can bring. However, we don’t recommend adopting the mindset that there’s no room for improvement. In fact, we’d make the argument that the best time to work on your relationship is when things are going great.
If that seems counterintuitive, here are 5 reasons why it makes perfect sense. Read More
Bring the kids to their extracurricular activities, pick up the grocery order, rush home, get dinner going, help the kids with homework, scramble through baths and bedtime, clean up the kitchen – phew!
If your evenings are anything like this, it’s understandable if all you want to do is sit down and zone out when you finally get the chance. Whether you both work in or out of the home, have children, pets, or just a busy life in general, those evening hours are often time to relax and unwind before hitting the sack. If you’re sick of settling in for the same old streaming session, here are ten ways to refresh your evening routine. Read More
So you and your spouse set about to make some positive changes in your marriage. You’re both feeling motivated, inspired, and capable of reaching these goals together – that’s great! Fast forward a couple months down the road. Are you still chugging along optimistically?
It’s okay if the answer is no. You’re not alone if that initial energy has worn off, your progress has faltered, or you’ve given up altogether. Truth be told, this is common when working towards anything – whether it’s completing a DIY home project or achieving your marriage goals. When you encounter some kind of obstacle or setback, it’s easy to get discouraged, lose motivation, or resign yourself to the idea that things can’t change – which often leads to giving up.
The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way! We’ve got some simple tweaks you can make to help you keep going and achieve the positive changes you’re striving for in your marriage. Read More
Do you and your spouse feel like a team? Or does it seem like something is getting in the way of that lately? It’s not unusual to go through periods where things are just out of sync between you. It can feel like you’re constantly at odds or working against each other, even if it’s not intentional. What’s going wrong? The reality is, sometimes you can fall into habits that shift the dynamic of your relationship in ways that gradually dissolve a team mentality. Here are five reasons you might not be feeling like a team and some tips for renewing that bond:
Great teammates not only recognize and appreciate each other’s strengths, they are also keen to each other’s vulnerabilities. This insight is not used to criticize, but so that they can provide cover for each other in those weaker areas. In order to get to this point, you’ll need to be open and honest with each other about your struggles, fears, and insecurities. Keep in mind, you’ll need to give each other a criticism and judgment-free space to foster the emotional safety needed to be truly vulnerable. Once you’re both able to let your guards down and drop the defensiveness, you’re in a position to support each other in the best ways possible.
Are you keeping a mental tally of how often you’ve done one of their usual chores, logging how much time they’ve spent on a solo hobby, or keeping track of how many times they’ve gotten up with the baby? Score-keeping can come in many forms, but they all have one thing in common: it’s not helping you be a better teammate. When you focus on specific numbers or quantities being “even,” it has a tendency to shift your mindset to “you vs. your spouse.” Marriage isn’t about giving and getting in equal and specific amounts. Instead, there will be times you carry more of the load and times that your spouse does. It’s part of the ebb and flow of marriage; the understanding that you have each other’s back and are there to lift each other up no matter what.
On great teams, each member knows exactly what is expected of them, what their role is, and what they’re trying to achieve. It creates a sense of camaraderie and oneness. Sharing expectations with each other – for your relationship and daily life – serves a similar purpose, and more. When you communicate your relationship expectations with each other, you’re making it easier for your partner to fulfill those expectations and creating a shared understanding to revisit when they aren’t met. When you understand what you’re both aiming for, you can support and encourage each other better. And perhaps even more importantly, you can empathize with each other if things don’t go how you envisioned. You can both feel like you’ve got someone in your corner cheering you on or helping you rally when you need it.
Often during conflict, it feels like you’re on opposing sides and only one of you can come out victorious. A key mindset shift to make is that you’re actually sitting shoulder to shoulder, working together to draw up the best solution for your relationship. Sometimes a compromise is necessary. You might make individual concessions, but you are ultimately gaining much more as a couple when you focus on solving the problem cooperatively. Even in situations where it seems like there’s no way you’ll see eye to eye, shift your perspective to see the broader goal – chances are, you’ll be more aligned there than you think, you simply have different ideas for how you might get there. Trust each other to approach the problem from different angles and be willing to meet in the middle.
If you and your spouse are very different personality-wise, it’s probably not new information. It can be easy to get stuck focusing on the seemingly negative aspects, especially when these differences cause conflict. You might fall into thinking, “If only they were more this or less that.” Unfortunately, this mindset will get you nowhere. But when you learn to accept each other (instead of trying to change each other), you can really begin to appreciate your differences and put them to work for you. You are a one-of-kind couple. The unique combination of your personalities is a big part of that and learning to make your differences work in your favor will help you feel like teammates throughout your marriage.
It’s one thing to know logically that marriage is about being a team, but it’s another to always feel that way when you’re in it. Sometimes you can get stuck in rut of “you vs. them” thinking and behaviors. Hopefully these reminders can help you recognize where things might be going wrong and correct your course quickly.
There was a time in your life – maybe not even that long ago, or maybe you’re still in it – when spending time with friends came naturally and with minimal effort. With just a simple call or text, you could meet up with hardly a moment’s notice. You saw your friends often, with little planning required.
At some point, things change. People move away, get married, focus on careers, have children. You have more responsibilities, demands on your time, and are simply busy with your own lives. It gets more and more difficult to stay connected. That being said, those friendships outside of your marriage are still important, even when they take more effort. Let’s explore some tips and reminders on nurturing those relationships no matter what season of life you’re in. Read More
While Valentine’s Day should be all about the love, people often are divided on how to celebrate. Some *love* this holiday. They love the traditions that come with it. Weeks ago they put out the heart-shaped decor around the house and started crafting the classroom valentines their kids will hand out, just like they used to when they were in school. Days ago they picked out a red sweater to wear to work today and picked up heart-shaped candy to put out on their desk like they do every year. When they get home, they’ll look forward to the annual romantic dinner paired with a gift from their partner.
Others, well, not so much. They think this day is full of traditions of overspending, consumerism, and inauthentic expressions of love.
Regardless of where you fall, there is value in tying tradition into the holiday. Valentine’s Day can be a great way to remind yourselves to do things for your relationship because well, it’s tradition! We’ve got some different types of traditions worth starting. They might not all be realistic to do this year, but bring these up with your partner and decide what traditions you want to start – and maybe you already have some that fit these suggestions. Read More
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