One encouraging thing for premarital couples is the fact that they are still in the early stages of their relationship and new attitudes and behaviours can be developed that may help them strengthen their relationship in the future.  We need to assist couples to recognize this fact and to stress the importance of continuing to work on this process of ongoing learning and strengthening their relationship. Many couples are highly motivated to work on necessary changes and to work on maintaining strengths at the premarital stage but the process can become neglected once the marriage takes place.

Some years ago a research study (Kelly, C., Huston, T., & Cate, R. “Premarital Relationship Correlates of the Erosion of Satisfaction in Marriage”, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1985, 2, 167-178) reported that premarital conflict is a precursor of marital conflict and that, while it does not relate to the feelings that partners report having about one another premaritally, it does predict the extent to which they are satisfied once they have been married about two and a half years. 

The occurrence of conflict combined with work on maintaining the relationship by attempting to deal with and work through conflict issues was a strong and helpful feature at the premarital stage of the relationship. However, the study showed that once couples had been married for a while the tendency to continue to make greater efforts at problem-solving had become seriously weakened. High conflict couples appeared to have stopped trying to work through their isssues. It appears to be easier to begin the maintenance process early (like anything new), but the motivation to continue the process must not be allowed to erode.

We need to encourage couples to be more strongly committed to continuing to work on their relationships after they are married. They need to work on communicating and managing conflict constructively in an ongoing process that needs the same kind of vigilance and regular care that we usually reserve for our computers and cars. These are valuable and can be destroyed by neglect, but how much more valuable are our relationships?

Past Hints  Last Month : Grouping The Prepare-Enrich Categories 

News Update:  

The June 2007 issue of the Newsletter, the Prepare Diary, is available on this web site: To read, click on: June 2007 Diary    The next newsletter will be posted in mid-December. 

PROCESSING FEE NOW $44.00  
This is the first increase in the base cost of processing since 1999.  Our aim is to maintain the new processing charge for a lengthy period of time (as we have done before). We always aimed to make the processing cost comparable to that of a modest meal for a couple – we feel sure that $44 (for a couple) is still well and truly within those limits. 

Skills development training seminars are listed at: Skills Development Opportunities