Hint of the Month and News Update - April, 2006
Past Hints
 
The Importance of Mutual Goodwill

In the concluding discussion to an important Australian research review paper Robyn Parker (Why marriages last: A discussion of the literature. Australian Institute of Family Studies Research Paper Number 28, July 2002) makes some important comments about good quality marriages: 

    “Long and satisfying marriages are often more complex than those that might be called 'survivor marriages' in which spouses are resigned to staying together…”

    “Couples in enduring marriages report the same sorts of troubles and difficulties as other couples and point out aspects of their own marriages that are less than ideal…” 

    "In a broad sense, the distinguishing feature of these relationships is the sense and primacy of 'coupleness': that both spouses are committed to nurturing and sustaining the marriage, and both have the goodwill necessary to learn and engage in the behaviours that keep alive the emotional connection that brought them together in the first place.” 

As we work with couples that are “just starting out” we need to be aware that the goal of staying together might be attractive and valued but it is also very daunting for many couples. 

It would be helpful to encourage couples to understand that successful couples DO have their troubles and difficulties, and their survival depends on something that is complex and hard to define, BUT that mutual goodwill - the partners working together to nuture and sustain their “coupleness” - is one of the key processes in their survival. This is an emotional connection that most couples already possess, but they need to make sure that they maintain and express it, and allow it to develop and increase over time and new circumstances. 

This is a simple idea, but one that when acted upon right from the outset, consistently and with commitment, is highly likely to lead to the kind of helpful and satisfying complexity that can be recognized as a quality in long-term and satisfying marriages. 
 
 Past Hints  Last Month :  Working with Disengaged Premarital Couples. 
 
News Update:  

    PROCESSING FEE INCREASED FROM FEBRUARY 1st 2006  
    As announced in the December 2005 Newsletter, we have reluctantly increased the cost of processing to $44 (including GST) from February 1st next year. This is the first increase in the base cost of processing since 1999.  The $35 processing charge was set then and the GST added to this in June 2000, taking the GST inclusive charge to $38.50. Between June 1999 and June 2005, our net costs have increased by almost 15% due to constant increases in the expenses associated largely with wages, printing and postage. Our aim is to maintain the new processing charge for a lengthy period of time (as we have done before). We always aimed to make the processing cost comparable to that of a modest meal for a couple – we feel sure that $44 (for a couple) is still well and truly within those limits. 
     
    The December 2005 issue of the Newsletter, the Prepare Diary, is available on this web site: To read, click on:  December 2005 Diary    The next newsletter will be posted in mid-June.