Marriage educators are often aware that couples’ expectations about their marriage are likely to have a strong influence on their relationship adjustment in the future. Which is best – to expect the best or to be prepared for a struggle?  A recent study in the US examined this issue (James McNulty & Benjamin Karney, Positive Expectations in the Early Years of Marriage: Should Couples Expect the Best or Brace for the Worst? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2004, 86, 729–743) 

In contrast to the commonly held assumption that that positive expectations will have direct and helpful effects on relationship outcomes, the results in this study suggest that the effects of expectations may depend on whether couples’ experiences confirm or disconfirm those expectations. 

When ideal standards for the relationship were held and met, they were associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction. When such standards were held but not met they were associated with lower levels of relationship satisfaction. 

It would follow that beliefs, values, and standards about marriage influence relationships by interacting with the specific experiences that partners encounter over the course of their relationships rather than having a direct impact on outcomes. That is, the impact of expectations depends on actual experience. 

Unrealistically positive expectations that are unfulfilled may have a more damaging effect than negative expectations that are, with effort, avoided in practice. 
 
The implication is that general advice about expectations may not apply equally well to all couples. McNulty and Karney (p.739) offer some helpful recommendations and write that… 

 “…positive expectations are not harmful for everyone, nor are they beneficial for everyone. Instead, when advising clients about what to expect from the future, therapists might consider whether positive expectations will function as goals, likely to be confirmed by processes of expectancy confirmation, or as counterfactuals, likely to lead to disappointment.” 

“Spouses who possess the skills necessary to confirm positive expectations may benefit from fostering and maintaining positive expectations about their likelihood for future relationship success. For such individuals, positive expectations may inspire them to persist in resolving problems that may arise and view even negative experiences in a positive light.” 

 “In contrast, couples who lack these skills… may benefit from moderating excessively positive expectations for their future outcomes. Such couples may respond more favorably to their negative experiences when they are expected rather than unexpected.” 

END-OF-YEAR CLOSING  
Please note that the last processing day will be Wednesday 14th December 2005 and the office will re-open on January 3rd 2006. 

PROCESSING FEE TO INCREASE ON FEBRUARY 1st 2006  
This is an advance notice to let you know that we will be reluctantly increasing the cost of processing to $44 (including GST) from February 1st next year. This will be the first increase in the base cost of processing since 1999.  The $35 processing charge was set then and the GST added to this in June 2000, taking the GST inclusive charge to $38.50. Between June 1999 and June 2005, our net costs have increased by almost 15% due to constant increases in the expenses associated largely with wages, printing and postage. Our aim is to maintain the new processing charge for a lengthy period of time (as we have done before). We always aimed to make the processing cost comparable to that of a modest meal for a couple – we feel sure that $44 (for a couple) is still well and truly within those limits. 
 
The June 2005 issue of the Newsletter, the Prepare Diary, is available on this web site: To read, click on:  June 2005 Diary    The next newsletter will be posted in mid-December. 

Skills development training seminars are listed at: Skills Development Opportunities