Ordinary, mundane and fleeting moments of humour and playfulness that couples experience in their everyday lives together may have a great impact upon to the health of their relationships.  Such moments may provide a foundation for handling more significant events such as handling conflict. 

A recent study in the USA conducted by Janice Driver and John Gottman (Daily Marital Interactions and Positive Affect During Marital Conflict Among Newlywed Couples. Family Process, 2004, 43, 301-315) examined the possible connection between playfulness and enthusiasm in everyday life with the use of humour and affection during conflict. Using observational methods they studied 49 newlywed couples in a 10-minute dinnertime interaction and in a 15-minute conflict discussion. The conflict discussion was coded and analysed. Their findings provided support for the importance of daily moments in couple relationships.

The authors provided this example:

Cynthia and David were arguing about finances again. Cynthia had painstakingly saved for months to create a buffer for future emergencies. David wanted to use the money to take the family on a much-needed vacation. This discrepancy between saving and spending had become a common theme, so the conflict quickly became heated and territorial. Suddenly, Cynthia looked down and said, "What happened to your socks?" Startled, David looked down at his blackened socks and commented, "I had to chase a raccoon out of our garden and I didn't have time to put on my shoes." They both laughed.

Driver and Gottman commented: “This couple's fleeting moment of shared laughter and positive emotion was seemingly unimportant compared with the more important task of resolving their conflict. Yet, in our research, this laughter turned out to be one of the most important moments in the couple's discussion. We found that the ability to use positive affect (such as humor or affection) during conflict is essential in predicting the future health of the relationship.”

When we are working with couples using the Prepare-Enrich inventories we can often observe couples using humour and being playful. It would be helpful to draw their attention to this, and to encourage them to recognize just what kind of helpful resource they have and how it could help them in times of conflict and stress.
 

Past Hints  Last Month : SOME TIPS FOR ADMINISTERING AN INVENTORY 

News Update:  

END-OF-YEAR CLOSING 
The last processing day will be Wednesday 15th December 2004 and the office will re-open on January 4th 2005.  

The December 2004 issue of the Newsletter, the Prepare Diary, will be available on this web site in early to mid-December. 

A new Australian resource booklet has been written by Dr. Alan Craddock that explores the impact that experiences of family of origin have, especially on conlicted couples.  The booklet, written especially for Prepare-Enrich administrators, aims to identify and explore the main differences between highly satisfied (vitalised) and more troubled (conflicted) premarital couples. This study explores the connection between negative experiences within family of origin in the past (separateness, rigidity and exposure to abuse) and present difficulties in couple relationship. The study represents the drawing together of trends and patterns identified in the data from 520 Australian couples participating in the Prepare program. Many practical suggestions for working with conflicted couples, especially on family of origin issues and using the couple and family map, are offered in this study. 

To order Origins: Family Experiences of Premarital Couples (Hillfort Resources) simply call the Prepare-Enrich National Office on 02 9545 4566 or email us at info@prepare-enrich.com.au 
The cost is only $12 (includes postage and GST). 

Skills development training seminars are listed at: Skills Development Opportunities 

The cost of processing has not been increased and remains at $38.50 (including GST).