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The Couple and Family Map is a powerful tool to use in helping couples and families better understand their relationships. It can also clarify the typical interaction patterns that at first glance appear baffling and perhaps even counter-productive. Unfortunately, many counsellors never get to the Map during their feedback sessions, or fail to explain its significance to couples and families. Why do we have the Couple and Family Map? The most basic function of the Couple and Family Map is to show where each individual falls in terms of “closeness” and “flexibility” in past family experience, as well as where they are in their current couple relationship. When you are getting married, you are not only marrying your partner, but their family as well. It is important for both individuals to understand the influence their past family experience has had on them and how this can affect their couple relationship. A new Australian resource booklet has been written by Dr. Alan Craddock that explores the impact that experiences of family of origin have, especially on conlicted couples. The booklet, written especially for Prepare-Enrich administrators, aims to identify and explore the main differences between highly satisfied (vitalised) and more troubled (conflicted) premarital couples. This study explores the connection between negative experiences within family of origin in the past (separateness, rigidity and exposure to abuse) and present difficulties in couple relationship. The study represents the drawing together of trends and patterns identified in the data from 520 Australian couples participating in the Prepare program. Many practical suggestions for working with conflicted couples, especially on family of origin issues and using the couple and family map, are offered in this study. To order Origins: Family Experiences of Premarital Couples (Hillfort
Resources) simply call the Prepare-Enrich National Office on 02 9545 4566
or email us at info@prepare-enrich.com.au
Discussing the Couple and Family Map in a feedback session gives the couple the opportunity to not only decide what qualities they would like to carry over to their couple relationship, but also what qualities they would rather leave behind. The Couple and Family Map is also very useful because it encourages proactive behavior by illustrating that people are not fixed in one place on the map. The couple can visually see the changes they have experienced from past to present and this enables them to plan where they would want to be on the map in the future. Can Couples and Families Change on the Map over time? The Couple and Family Map is “dynamic,” meaning that the placement of a given couple or family on the map varies over time due to influences and events shaping their lives. Factors affecting map movement can be normative family life transitions such as the birth of a child or retirement. Map placement (and movement) can also be due to unexpected stressors or trauma such as a catastrophic illness of a family member. Although there is no absolute “best level” or placement for any relationship, couples and families generally do better if they are in the Balanced or Mid-range levels rather than the Unbalanced levels. These map positions exhibit the balance on closeness and flexibility that seems to facilitate healthy relationships. Individual family members’ family-of-origin experiences are important in shaping their subsequent relationship expectations. They have learned particular relationship skills from the past and they will bring these into all future relationships. This is why they are included in the computer report. Do Couples and Families Change In Response to Crises? Crisis situations often change the way a couple or family functions. This point can be illustrated to a couple using the Map. For example, imagine a family of four where the husband/father experiences a heart attack and survives. This family will most likely go through a series of changes with regard to their levels of closeness and flexibility. If, before the heart attack, the family was Flexible and Somewhat Connected on the Map, then shortly after the attack, the family will likely move to an Unbalanced type (ex. Overly Flexible & Overly Connected). This change is due to the shock and confusion they are experiencing shortly after the crisis event. After a couple more weeks the family may remain Overly Connected but shift from Overly Flexible to Inflexible. This is because they react to the chaos in their lives by clinging to rules, roles, and behavior patterns. Six weeks after the heart attack, the family will likely progress steadily toward healthy functioning again. Their fears have subsided making their level of closeness more balanced. They are also becoming less rigid and more flexible. Explaining this pattern to a couple will help them understand that their placement on the Map is fluid. Their closeness and flexibility levels will fluctuate depending on their current life stage, and what types of stressors they are experiencing. Past Hints Last Month: Understanding Role Relationships News Update:
This month's hint is for July and August due to delays in placing the
July Hint on the web site -
Skills development training seminars are listed at: Skills Development Opportunities The cost of processing has not been increased and remains at $38.50 (including GST). |
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