Marriage statistics indicate a steady increase in the age at which couples marry. In 1989 the median age for a first marriage was 26.3 years for men and 24.2 years for women, but in 1999 the median was 28.2 and 26.4 years respectively.   Couples are also more likely to cohabit before marrying (for two large samples of couples taking PREPARE in Australia, 47% were cohabiting before marriage in 1995, and in 2001 this figure increased to 56%).  Since PREPARE-CC (designed to be used with cohabiting couples intending to marry) was introduced in February 2003, over 1,000 couples have taken this inventory in Australia. 

The total number of marriages registered nationally increased over the period 1997 to 1999, indicating that people still value marriage.  But many are cohabiting first and many are marrying at a later age compared to couples in earlier decades.  Perhaps these trends reflect couples’ wariness about marriage and the economic and emotional demands of being married and committed to a long-term relationship. 

As we help couples prepare for marriage we must do more to address the “wariness factors” that influence many couples.  The strong idealism and commitment to marriage as a socially desirable institution that provided a ready motivational foundation for work with the majority of couples in the past is simply not present for many contemporary couples.  It might even be less likely to be present in the future.  We do well to help couples acquire the resources necessary to developing and maintaining a quality relationship but we must also facilitate work on the obstacles to commitment and to the use of such resources. 

Hence, we need to be alert to assist couples to work with factors associated with any threats or resistances to commitment – forces that prevent or erode commitment.   These are the “wariness factors” - each partner’s unhelpful beliefs and negative feelings about marriage in general and their own relationship in particular.  Part of this process may involve detailed work on the influence and impact of partners’ families of origin on these beliefs and feelings. 

Past Hints 
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News Update:  

If you have not already read it, the December 2003 issue of the Newsletter, the Prepare Diary, is available on this web site.  Access is via the link on the Administrators' home page. 
Brief articles are included on marriage enrichment programs, understanding positive and negative items, as well as an update on Prepare-CC.